Tough
by ricolynn
Summary: Everything is going great for NYADA star Rachel Berry untill one day she gets a phone call about an accident at home that will make her decide between family or career, what will she pick? Side Brittana and will be Faberry eventually. Also has some Finn bashing
1. Chapter 1

**hey this is my first story! disclaimer i don't own Glee or any of the songs that are added.**

**let me know what you think! :)**

As I sit in one of the best coffee shops in New York city my eyes lazily graze the walls observing all the vintage posters and authentic autographs, while my fingers absent mindedly tapped out the beat to We Are Young.

It had been stuck in my head all day and apparently now I had decided was a good time to turn my table into a drum set and start up my solo. I quietly contemplated if possibly I should look into drumming while I waited for my two best friends.

It's crazy if someone had told me three years ago that the Unholy Trinity would be three of my closest friends today I would have straight up laughed in their face, oddly enough though it's true.

Brittany had followed my lead and applied at NYADA where she excels in dance and has even been making a name for herself as a choreographer. She's even landed a few small gigs running some steps for a few off Broadway shows, nothing big just enough to get her name out there.

Santana is currently making her way through her second year of law school at NYU. She and Brittany live together in a nice little two bedroom place in Chelsea, right between both schools. They are one of the most remarkable couples I have ever seen, they never have any petty fights and all it takes is a calming touch or word from Britt to get Santana to retract the claws.

The third member of the trio, Quinn is busy pursuing higher education in New Haven at Yale. Even though the little genius is so far away, we still manage to keep in contact since she tries to get up here every few weeks. Also with Skype and texting Quinn is always just a couple minutes away.

Then we come right back full circle to your truly, Rachel Berry. I'm attending NYADA with Britt and I'm clearly one of the most talented singers in our shows. Remember it's not being conceited if it's true...I mean lead roles as a freshmen kind of speak for themselves right?

Even though I sound very much like the old Rachel Berry, I assure you I have really grown into my own here in New York. I pretty much had to; this place has no problem letting you know you suck and when to pack it in so you always need to be a step ahead.

I was lucky I've known my dream my whole life and I knew to pursue it I would need to leave Lima in my review mirror. So that's what I did I packed up and never looked back, best decision I ever made.

Finally the two former cheerios walked in-late- **_of course_**; and with pinkies linked- **_of course._**

My musical brain shuffled to the next song in its playlist: Journey; Don't Stop Believing. Oh great now I'm foot tapping to, awesome!

"Hey berry" wow two years and it would still kill Santana to call me 'Rachel'

"Hey S" I tried to casually reply

OOMPH suddenly I have a mouthful of blonde hair as Brittany attacks me in a bear hug.

"Ok ok, let her breathe B" I hear Santana chuckle. Ooh she is evil.

"Hey Britt" I say as my lungs finally recover the oxygen they need to form words.

"Hey Rach!" says the bubbly blonde. Wow she literally bounces when she talks; I would kill for energy like that.

The girls excuse themselves to get their drinks and I start tapping along to RENT'S ; Take Me Or Leave Me.

It's not that I'm jumpy it's that I'm _extremely _jumpy, this is my fourth cup of coffee today and I regret nothing. You see we just started our warm ups for an audition that's coming up in two weeks for an off Broadway show of _West Side Story. _Maria is my DREAM ROLE, and while I would like to say that I owned it today my performance was lacking something which has had me on edge since I left the studio.

Hence the four cups of coffee, I _refuse_ to let that happen again.

"So how were the warm ups today Berry?" Santana asked while sitting down.

"They were more than satisfactory Santana thank you for asking" I replied as I tried to casually glance at Britt, she was there she knows the truth.

"You shouldn't lie Rach. I mean it probably would have gone better if you weren't looking at Chris the whole time." Brittany says without even looking up from the shapes she's drawing in her whipped cream.

Wait what? Was I? No way…

"Chris hmm?" Santana hums as she taps her chin. Ok seriously who does that?!

"He's the sexy dancer with all the tattoos right?" "Ahuh!" answers Britt still only half paying attention to us.

"Well hey way to go Berry!" wait, is she excited about this?

Dear lord if she asks for a high five I'm leaving.

For the record Chris was NOT why I was distracted today. I mean yes he is very good looking and an excellent leading man, definitely the kind of guy I would have been tripping over to date in high school. After thinking about it and really paying attention I can tell he is even more dramatic than me, which is really saying something. We would clash more than we would have fun, the bad would outweigh the good. Just no thank you.

"Wait" Santana's voice tears me back to reality. "So does this mean you're finally over Finnocence?"

Ah Finn Hudson; that boy is the very definition of a Lima loser. He doesn't have a job; even his own step father fired him! He failed out of community college and he lives in his moms' basement, what a winner!

I honestly can't tell you what I thought I saw in the guy. Maybe I thought I could change him, have him be the perfect husband as my career soared and then let him be my arm candy on the red carpets. Ugh what a mistake.

I think I will always have a soft spot for the guy but all I know now is that I will never ever, ever date him again...oh great now I have Taylor swift in my head!

I realize now being with Finn made me miss out on so much like I could have been friends with Quinn much, much sooner instead of fighting all the time in high school. Ah just saying the blondes name gives me butterflies in my stomach, but NO I refuse to think about that right now.

I'll set some time aside later to think about this. Rachel Berry is nothing if not organized.

"Come on Berry!" Santana drawls on. "Date a bad boy it would be 5 mega steps up from man boobs, plus tattoos are sexy! I mean I'm thinking about getting one."

I roll my eyes so hard I'm lucky they don't stick, that would NOT be an acceptable way to be photographed.

"Ok first of all" shit did I just put up one finger? Stop it Rachel! "I told you a thousand times: I'm over FINN. Second" no more fingers, good job Rach! "No one here is surprised you're getting a tat" self appointed bonus points for not air quoting that. "What's it going to be? A tramp stamp!"

Oh shit did I just voice my inside the head thoughts out loud? Shit, shit, shit oh no

That wasn't fair I'm stressed out over this audition and my new developing feelings for Quinn...wait what?! No, no new feelings for Quinn this is nuts, focus Rachel!

San is smirking at me as she slowly starts a slow clap. "Oh my god did Rachel Berry just make a joke? It only took 20 years but ladies and gentleman I think she did it!"

"San be nice" oh good Britt throws her two cents in there

As I look at her I notice she's coloring with crayons…where did she...no you know what? I don't want to know.

"Rach was always funny you were just too busy hating her to notice."

At this I smirk and raise one eyebrow, I learned that from one Quinn Fabray thank you very much.

Santana raises her hands in surrender "Alright alright" she can tell we need a topic change, and I'm ready for anything.

"So Berry, Q will be here in two weeks to celebrate your lifelong dream of playing Maria or whatever..." she tell me with a knowing smirk.

What's that all about?! She can't know I don't even know. Time out Rachel there's nothing to 'know' relax!

I feel the butterflies at the mention of Q's name. Stop it Rachel! We don't even like her like that...we don't!

"San, I appreciate the vote of confidence but who knows what will happen it's still so up in the air right now." Which is true, it is, anything can happen still.

There's a new girl; Ashley who is not as talented as me…well she's not. But she is a year older and for sure prettier, and we all know audiences love pretty, and big boobs…which this chick has.

"Oh come on Rach you were like super amazing today!" chimes in Britt, I know she means it because she stopped coloring to tell me. That's a big deal to her

"Yeah come on Berry. Even though were New Yorkers now I'll still go all lima heights adjacent on that director , and then you can even follow it up with a power point presentation on why you're the best. You gots this!"

I give out a real solid laugh, while I tap out a few bars of Some Nights. Now I remember why I keep these guys around.

To say this week has been hectic would be the understatement of the decade. I've been spending 11 hours a day in the studio just trying to perfect my vocals. I had to skip all my other classes but I mean who needs math? That's what my assistant will be for.

Warm ups have everyone so high strung it's crazy. People keep getting hurt on the simplest moves they can normally do in their sleep. Luckily Britt's dad is a doctor and was around when a dancer had a nasty fall earlier this week. Who would have thought right, Britt's dad a doctor? I guess we should have known since they housed a foreign exchange student in high school and they don't just give those to anyone.

On my walk home to my apartment I take a deep breath and start humming a little tune in my head, tomorrow is the big day and I've never felt more ready.

I wake up the morning of my audition and my phone is blowing up.

**'good luck today baby girl, I know you'll do amazing! Call me? J-Q**

**"You gots this berry!'-S**

**"break a leg rach! Would u lik 2 borrw my lucky headband?"-B**

**"Good luck sweetie we love you! Call us tonight to tell us everything? Love you! Dad/daddy"**

I have the biggest smile on my face as I start getting ready; these people really are the best.

As I sit in this cold dusty auditorium all I can think is 'this can't possibly be good for my vocals'. Now panic starts to set in.

Sue Sylvester is the director she is one of the toughest and most well known directors in New York. If she says you suck, well…you might as well start applying to community theatre.

When my name is called my knees start shaking, my palms are sweating and I'm pretty sure I forgot every word in the dictionary. When I make my way to the dusty stage that looks like it hasn't been used since before I was born I take a deep breath and realize 'hey I'm Rachel Barbara Berry' I can do this!

I put everything I can into this and dig deep; this is for all the marbles. It's maria!

When I'm done I can see Britt giving me a blinding smile and a wink.

I try to play coy but I can feel it in my bones- I was amazing.

Sylvester waves me away with a simple; "well it didn't completely suck" and I know it's the best I'm going to get so I quickly bow and get off stage.

When I leave the stage exit I'm immediately flagged down by Brittany. "You were amazing!" she gushes "well thank you!" I answer back just as excited. "So where to now?" I ask.

"The little bar on 7th you like" she answers with a dangerous smirk. "San has a surprise for you."

Um why don't I think I'll like this?

As soon as we walk in my eyes are drawn to the prettiest blonde in the room, "QUINN!" I yell before I can help myself.

Instantly we meet for a hug that lasts about 7 seconds to long to be considered a friendly hug. But who is counting?

"what are you doing here?" I finally ask when she pulls away. "you're not supposed to be here till Monday!" I'm suddenly lost in the most gorgeous hazel eyes I've ever seen. Wait is she talking? Shit! Did she say she missed me? Go with it!

"I missed you too!" I blurt out. Then I have a new thought; "but aren't you missing class?"

She smiles hesitantly "you're more important Rach." Oh hello butterflies, I really missed you.

She could tell me 3+3= 25 and follow it up with that smile and I would believe her.

You know Santana is more than a little drunk when she is offering to buy the bar her fourth straight round. You know you should probably stop her but; hey she is having fun so have at it!

"A TOAST" she suddenly yells "to Rachel Berry to be the next person to play Maria!" the crowd goes insane, she honestly could have said anything at this point they are just excited for free liquor.

"Possibly!" I feel the need to down play this; it'll be a cute story for an interview someday if I can say I was coy and shy about my first role.

"Oh hush" Quinn quiets me down by playfully throwing popcorn at me. Oh god that smile is back

I can't help but blush, no just kidding I'm not blushing its just hot in here right...right Rachel!

Were interrupted by a drunk Santana declaring to the bar that she 'needs to get her mack on and she needs to gets it on now' aka our cue to leave.

After a long night of drinking…I mean celebrating. I convince Quinn to stay the night at my place. It's just a little one bedroom apartment but it's perfect for crashing.

After an hour on the phone with my father's where I give them an exact play by play of my audition, I realize I really miss them. Maybe a trip back to Lima is in store soon? I think yes!

When I get to the living room Quinn is sprawled out on my couch with Funny girl in the DVD player all ready to go. I casually walk over and sit as far away from her on the couch as I can without being awkward.

She has my favorite movie all set up? Ah I love this girl...I mean as a friend! Yep best friends

Ten minutes into the movie and Quinn's head is on my shoulder while my hand plays with her hair. Friends do this right? We can pretend...

Suddenly she turns to me and quietly asks "when do they call and tell you, you got the part?"

"IF I get the part" I answer back just as quietly "they should call on Monday."

"so only 4 days? That's not too bad, I'm sure we can find something to distract you till then."

Oh god she probably didn't mean that how it sounded right? And why are we still whispering? And she gets a gold star for the day for not even pretending to entertain the fact that I might not possibly get the part.

Just as suddenly as she starts the conversation she drops it, but not before leaning up and giving me one soft lingering kiss to the forehead. Before she casually rests her head on my shoulder like that didn't just happen.

Come on friends do that right...who am I kidding? I'm in trouble.

Friday goes by in a blur just lounging around my apartment watching bad TV and old musicals. Another bonus point for Quinn for not even suggesting I go to my classes today. We obviously share the same views on math and my future career as being famous enough for an assistant.

Saturday we do touristy things all day, even though Quinn has spent almost as much time here as I have; but still it's fine. Were casually walking through central park when my phone rings, it's a number I don't recognize and I quickly answer it.

"Berry? It's Sylvester" all of a sudden my hands are shaking and there's no more oxygen in Central park how did that happen?!

"yes maam this is her" I quietly stutter. Come on Rachel get yourself together!

"Look I'm just calling to tell you, you're my new Maria. Mandatory rehearsals start Monday at 4 pm sharp. No exceptions you miss one you're out, got it?"

"Yes maam! Thank you so much I'll be there!"

When I hang up I let out a squeal of pure joy "I GOT IT!" I didn't know my voice could hit that octave.

Quinn runs over and gives me our longest hug to date, then she does something else new this time when she kisses me it's on my cheek. I could definitely get used to this.

That night were having celebratory rounds of drinks with Brittany and Santana.

"What did I tell you Berry? I knew you gots this! And I didn't even have to go Lima heights adjacent on anyone!"

"Like you even still could" Quinn playfully chuckles.

"Hey shut it preggers." Wow I've missed there banter back and forth.

Just then my phone rings I pick it up it's my daddy Leroy I forgot to tell him the good news!

"hey da—" suddenly I'm cut off by the sounds of crying and sirens.

"daddy what's wrong?!" now I have everyone at the tables attention but I don't want it.

"baby your dad and i..we were gonna come surprise you, Quinn called and told us you got the roll of Maria! We were going to the airport when a drunk driver ran a red light and hit us head on. Rach hun…your dad..he he he didn't make it I'm soo sorry!"

The whole table gasps at this they heard him loud and clear. This is a joke right? Am I famous enough to be punk'd yet?! But this isn't even remotely funny.

" no no…you're joking…daddy come on."

"Rach I'm so sorry but he's really gone..i need you to come home right away please…please sweetie"

"uhh I have to call you back." I hang up before he can get another word out. I feel like a zombie

"Rachel…" I know this is serious because Santana actually just called me Rachel.

No, no, no. my dad is NOT dead right? This is just a dumb joke someone's going to call me back any minute to say they are kidding

"Baby girl...talk to us please" Quinn! She wouldn't lie to me she'll tell me.

I look into her hazel eyes but their no longer hazel, now I just see black and hint of sadness.

"I have to go home" I finally mutter. "Come with me?"

"Of course" they all answer, even though I was really just talking to Quinn.

"He's really gone…like really, really gone. Fuck!" I finally curse. Seconds later Quinn has me in a hug and she's whispering in my ear as I break down "it's ok baby girl I got you, you're ok, let it out."

After I'm a blubbering mess for more than 10 minutes and I've for sure ruined Quinn's top. Brittany speaks up as the voice of reason "um Rach, what about West Side Story?"

I spin to Quinn as quick as I can. Her eyes say the exact same thing as the voices in my head.

_Shit!_


	2. Chapter 2

**disclaimer: i don't own Glee! or the moive That Thing You** **do. thiers a small quote in here from that you might recognize if you've ever seen that movie**

"Fuck!" I shouted as I slammed my new droid phone down on the table. "What?' all the three girls nervously asked in unison. They have barley heard me say a word since that phone call with my daddy two days ago, and when I have spoken it was purely monotone.

"I just talked to daddy" I trailed of thinking of our other three failed conversations so far. He was crying so hard he could barely get the words out an ended up hanging up on me. This last attempt was by far the worse. His voice was almost robotic; I can just imagine him going through the emotions as if he didn't realize we were even talking.

"He said it was a hit and run" I finally choked out, suddenly the room exploded in rage.

Santana is shouting something in Spanish, while Brittany is looking like she's trying to figure out what a hit and run is.

Quinn voice rings through my apartment as the voice of reason. 'Lima's a small town it should be easy for them to figure out who did this." After a moment of silence she adds "wait, I thought they said it was a drunk driver how would they have known?" She's so smart. I had wondered the same thing. "Daddy said onlookers saw the driver swerving across the road as he drove off" I threw into the silence.

"What kind of sick pathetic fucking low life could do something like this?" shouted Santana, finally speaking in a language I could understand. "S calm down you're not helping" Brittany tried to reason. It was a good attempt but it was too late my rage was equal if not greater than Santana's at this point and I was ready to let it out.

"NO!" I cut in "she's right, I wanna know what asshole thought this was ok, I want to know what kind of moron does something that stupid!" I yelled. "Rach you have to try and calm down, I know this is the worst possible thing but you have to try." Brittany tries to reason again. I spare a glance in her direction; is that silly putty? This girl never fails to surprise me.

"Whatever" I mumble stomping my way to the kitchen. Calming down isn't going to solve anything, I'm still going to be angry but now I'll just keep it to myself, that's healthy right?

I had learned over the last few days that I am very much so the definition of a stress baker. My countertops are filled with pans and pans of cookies. I'm currently trying to master cupcakes. Is it too soon to change my name to Betty? Enjoy getting fat girls.

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Finally Britt and Santana go home to pack. Our flight is tomorrow at 7 am and since it's our spring break we won't be missing anything. Quinn stays with me which leaves me relived while at the same time a little annoyed. Yes I love having her around but at the same time I really like the silence right now.

I hear Funny Girl softly playing in the living room and I decide that even if we are not talking I should still go keep up appearances. I slid into the living room in socked feet and fall with as little grace as possible onto the couch. Quinn gives me one of the saddest smiles I've ever seen. And silently opens her arms allowing me the comfort I so badly want without having to ask. I quietly curl into her sides and girp the bottom of her T-shirt while she rubs my legs.

Quinn has been my rock the last few days, maybe some famous Rachel Berry thank you cookies are in order.

Five minutes later I tune back into the TV and I notice half the movie is over, when did that happen? Plus Quinn's hand is slowly moving up and down my thigh; well that certainly is a welcomed surprise. Suddenly Quinn's voice barely above a whisper crashes my temporary bubble of comfort "Have you called Sylvester yet?" The look of pure terror I send her way should be answer enough.

"She'll understand right?" I nervously ask. Quinn won't need any follow up questions, she's always been able to read me and she followed that train of thought perfectly. I stare straight into her warm hazel eyes, she doesn't want to lie to me I can tell she's trying to decide how to put this delicately. After a deep breath she says: "she might…but if she doesn't you'll still have me. Hun you know how important this is." She's right of course she's right.

I slowly trudge to my room. Why is my body reacting so slowly today? Every move my brain sends out to the rest of my body seems to be taking about 10 seconds longer than usual. I look everywhere for my phone; ironically it's placed on my bedside table between my DVD of West Side Story, and a picture of my dad's. _of course_

After three rings she answers with a barking "what?" well isn't she lovely? "Hey Ms. Sylvester this is Rachel Berry I'm calling to inform you that we recently had a loss in my family and-" "Berry" she rudely cuts me off " are you going to be here Monday or not?" "Uh no I won't" I stutter out a little taken aback by her forwardness. "I need to go home to Ohio for a few days." "Well" she interrupts again "that's to bad you would have been an excellent Maria" the disgust is plain in her voice. "Wait seriously? " I asked "just like that and I'm out?" "Berry" she scolds me. "I can't just let me lead actress do whatever she wants running all about, plus then people might think I care about their personal lives and they would try to talk to me all the time. No, yuck we cannot have that." 'Well no we wouldn't want anyone to think you were halfway decent', I bitterly thought. The anger in her voice brings me back "call me when you decide to start taking your career seriously." And with that she's gone.

She has to be kidding; she doesn't think I'm serious? I'll make her eat those words someday.

I storm into the living room and Quinn does her best to pretend she wasn't listening and looks up at me with hopeful eyes. I tell her the first thing that pops into my head: "well now we have more time to hangout since I don't have rehearsals"

I spin on my toes and trot to the kitchen. Clearly banana vegan muffins will make everything all better.

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**Q POV**

"I'll give you 20$, I'll buy you a bottle of your choice tequila AND I won't say a word when you and B sneak off to join the mile high club." I desperately plead. San looks at me with one of her patented smirks. "Chill out blondie I would have done it for free but now I want the added perks." She winks at me. "Ugh!" I groan out. "You suck" I mumble as I fall into an airport lobby chair. "Yeah well you loves it" she chuckles while we trade tickets and she pockets my 20$.

It's not that I was being a creep per say but I just happened to notice that San's seat was right next to Rachel's while me and B were across the aisle. I just know I would be a better fit for Rach. Plus she would never admit it but she hates flying. I just think we would both feel better the closer I am to her...whoa calm down Q this week is about supporting Rach not announcing you're In love with her! No stop not love...just like you just really like her, that's all.

I look around the lobby for the girls trying to distract myself, but they are nowhere to be seen. Britt wanted a rubber ducky key chain from the gift show, why? No one knows but she asked Rachel to go with her and it was just too hard to say no.

They get back right as we are boarding the plane. Rachel tries to act all collected and calm, but the longer I look at her the easier it is to tell she is anything but. When we sit down I silently offer her my arm and don't even flinch as she painfully digs her half crescent nails into my forearm. I observe the beautiful girl in front of me, and I can't tell why this is affecting me so much, I've seen many friends go through hardships and it didn't bother me this much. Suddenly it hits me like the force of an arrow: I would protect this girl from the world if I could. Oh man Fabray you got it bad.

As I keep studying the girl at my right side I can just tell how exhausted she is, from her eyes to her body language. You can almost see her mind jumping into overdrive with all of her thoughts right now. "Rach" I whisper out, "put your head on my shoulder, some rest would do you good." She slowly nods, too tired to even argue. As our bodies touch I can't even explain the rush I get.

All of a sudden a loud crinkling noise is so sudden it makes Rachel jump. I look over across the aisle and Britt is trying to tear open a pack of Skittles. _Of course._ In what Britt clearly thinks is a stage whisper she asks Santana to explain why she can't have a jet pack. Apparently "because I said so" isn't going to cut it today.

I give S my best HBIC glare from high school and gets the message "hey Britt baby" she softly interrupts while taking the skittles from her hand. "Why don't you go try and visit the cock pit? Tell them it's your birthday!" "yay!" Britt yells, she literally starts skipping there.

"Rach" I gently try again, I know she hasn't slept since the first phone call from her daddy two days ago. "Come on baby girl I got you" I whisper as she slowly lays her head back down. I let out a content sigh, right now everything is right with the world when I have the girl I love this close…I mean REALLY like this close.

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**R POV**

Walking into my childhood house is anything but ok. Everything in this place reminds me of my dad. I'm about to turn and flee when a soft hand is encompassed with mind, I look up into the most understand hazel eyes I've ever seen and her hand gives me a firm squeeze, it says 'you got this'.

I walk through the house ignoring everyone who is there to offer some sort of comfort. I couldn't care less and I don't need this right now. Unless you can bring my dad back you should just get the hell out I don't need you sad eyes. I don't need to talk to these people I have one goal in mind: find my dad, he'll make this better.

Finally I spot my dad. His back is rigid, his eyes are cold. He is nothing like the man I used to know.

The second he sees me he walks over and gives me the biggest bear hug I have ever been giving. It's almost as if the second our skin makes contact the flood gates haves been opened, I cry over everything I've refused to acknowledge the last few days. I cry finally allowing myself to feel everything I've been suppressing. I fall to the floor after a while but I refuse to loose contact so I bring him down with me.

There we are both bawling on the kitchen floor like a couple of divas as the realization that our family is no longer a trio sinks in.

When I wake up it's dark and I'm not sure where I am, panicking I kick out with my legs in my haste to get up; when I make contact with something solid, a body? I'm not sure until I hear a muffled "fuck" somewhere from my right. Then a gorgeous head of blonde hair appears.

I look around my old room and everything suddenly hits me like a freight train "Quinn" I croak out "Tell me it's all a dream and were just here for spring break. Tell me, tell me" I stutter "that when we get up my daddy will be making us breakfast." I desperately ask her "Rach" she ays just as sadly. "If I could I would baby girl." She opens her arms and I press my face into the crook of her neck. If it's possible I'm crying even harder than earlier. This time is different I know I have nowhere to fall to and even if I did I've never felt as safe as I do right now in Quinn's arms.

"shhh Rach I got you" she coos over and over again in my ear. One of her hands weaves through my hair with purpose while the other softly rubs circles into my back. It almost scares me how much I need her right now.

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At the funeral home the Unholy Trinity has decided to divide and conquer. Britt and San are with my dad. While I get to spend the day with Quinn, she isn't bringing up last night or mentioning the fact that I used her as a pillow while I cried for over three hours. Oh yes this girl has definitely earned some thank you cookies.

Britt is currently asking my daddy if he would like some Flintstones vitamins since those always make her feel better when she's sick. Oh no maybe I should go save him…wait is that a real smile? Maybe a few more minutes wouldn't hurt.

The room is full of people I don't think I've ever met but they all come up to me and let me know how much my dad loved me…um excuse me? How the hell would you know? I understand this is awkward for them too, but I would rather they just left me alone.

Quinn hasn't let go oh my hand all day and I'm internally grateful since i keep getting glances of Finn, I can tell he wants to talk to me but I really can't handle that conversation right now. Why does he look so nervous? I'm not that scary.

Everything about this for lack of better term sucks. This place is drafty and cold everyone is depressed and no one looks good in black. As I stand and stare at the different arrangements of flowers they honestly just anger me more. How are these supposed to help? "Hey your dads dead, have some flowers!" that's a pretty shitty consolation prize if you ask me. Plus the flowers are going to die too, what do I get than? A card? Score!

I've never been more thankful for my friends. Whenever I feel like I'm going to cry Britt shows up with a bone crushing hug. Santana in her own unusual way has even told me numerous times anything I could possibly need illegal or not is just a phone call away. This worries and pleases me at the same time.

Much too soon it's time to say goodbyes. I walk to the casket so slowly I'm almost positive it's been at least five minutes, when I start shaking so badly I almost trip. I feel a hand protectively grab my waist, and when I look up it's my savior Quinn of course. She helps me get to the casket and silently stand there for support.

I lightly run my hand over the dark wood while I start talking in my head. I like to believe he can hear me. '_Dad I love you so much, one of my biggest regrets will always be that I didn't get to talk to you that day, I should have called you and told you the good news not Quinn. Dad I love you so much and I already miss you like crazy, you better believe you'll be the first one I thank when I win that Tony'_ I lightly _chuckle 'I love you forever, put in a good word for me up there ok? love you dad"_

As we walk to the car I can feel the steady stream of water on my cheeks but I refuse to let it go completely till we get to the car. If my estimation is correct it's only about ten steps,9..8..7 "Rach!" ahh so close I groan.

I turn to see Finn awkwardly walking over while the girls all give him their best glares. They all still see him as the jerk who outed Santana and it's kind of hard not to. High school was clearly Finn's peak. He has gained at least 50 pounds and his hair is graying, while his suit has mud on it, what is he 5?

"Finn do this later." Quinn tries to save me before San jumps in "or ya know just leave her the hell alone!" "Look!" Finn snaps. I have to say this now or I maybe never be able to do it." Why does this seem so serious? "Guys give me a minute" I whisper. The three reluctantly walk to the car, they try to act casual but I can feel all eyes on me.

"Rach I need to apologize" why is he apologizing? For our breakup? Really? right now? "listen" I cut in before he harshly yells "No lemme finish! When you got the part of Maria S called she told me you were doing fine without me and for me to leave you alone." 'well she's right' I though bitterly. Finn has been emailing me at least once a week since the day he dumped me on the way to our wedding. Seriously boyfriend of the year!

"well" he angrily spits out " I was pissed off and I did something stupid." What did he do kick a chair? "I'm sorry I'm so stupid." He keeps chanting out and now he's crying? "What did you do?" I quickly ask while I grow panicked. "I'm sorry." He keeps repeating like a broken record. "I was drunk and so angry Rach, soo angry. I'm….I, I was the one who hit your dads, I killed him, I,I, it's my fault." He stuttered out.

Suddenly all I'm seeing is red; my whole body is shaking in rage.

_Finn killed my dad?_

_Finn was driving drunk?_

_Finn was driving drunk and killed my dad in a hit and run?!_

This is too much I think as everything goes black.

**A/N: I don't want to be a review jerk or anything but i don't think I want to keep updating this if no one is enjoying it? so let me know please :)**

**thanks!**


	3. Chapter 3

**disclaimer: I don't own glee!**

"Are you insane?" I angrily shouted. In an instant all three girls had joined us, but they weren't fast enough to stop me from lunging at Finn. My fists were attacking anywhere I could reach, I felt like it was my own personal mission to make him suffer as much as I was.

Quinn was the one to finally pull me back. "What the hell is wrong with you?" she asked, the shock clearly written on her face.

"What's wrong with me?" I laugh incredulously "I don't know maybe it's because I'm at my fathers' funeral right now." I paused to take a breath; Rachel Berry was ready to rant "My fathers' funeral because _THIS _jackass killed him!" I finally exploded.

I don't normally swear but something has come over me and this feels needed. Clearly New York is changing me.

Behind me I hear Quinn and Brittany gasp in unison and then what I assume to be angry Spanish followed by Santana bellowing "YOU SON OF A-"

"SHUT UP!" I cut her off she doesn't get to play hero now "This is just as much your fault as it is his! He was out drinking after you went all HBIC and called him to brag about_ my _life!" I shouted. I'm honestly exhausted my voice cracked over every other word, and I've never felt more let down or disappointed in my life.

"Look Rach, I'm sor-"Finn tried to cut in. Oh great round two. "No stop." I cried out, the tears are evident in my voice. "You think you get to half ass an apology and flash your stupid dopey grin and all your wrong doings will be forgotten, you think everyone will go back to thinking your some sweet guy again, but not this time!"

I'm pissed, I'm fuming, and if looks could kill this earth would have two less occupants.

"And you." I spin at Santana "You're just as guilty as him!"

Santana steps up while I'm trying to control my breathing. I can see a hint of something in her eyes but I can't place it. Hurt? Anger? I'm not sure but it doesn't matter what's done is done.

"Listen here short stack. I was having your back, I was protecting you!"

"Liar!" I howled "You did it for yourself and you know it, you're still the same bitch from high school you haven't changed at all. I told you literally two days before you called him that he wasn't an issue but you had to go stir the pot! Are you happy now?" I viciously ask.

I take a deep breath and two steps back, I'm not calm by any means but I need to relax before I kill one of them. I shoot a look behind me where Quinn and Brittany are pretty much afraid to move like they don't want to make it worse, how could it be worse?

If my life wasn't falling apart right now this might be funny. Little Rachel Berry letting loose on Finn Hudson and Santana Lopez, who actually look scared right now and maybe even a little guilty._ Good_

I narrow my eyes and lower my voice to just above a whisper before delivering my parting words: "I will **_never _**forgive either of you for this." I spit out.

I spin on my heel and start making my way down the sidewalk when a hand grabs my shoulder. I can tell from how soft the hand is and the butterflies in my stomach that it's Quinn.

When I turn to look at her the tears are coming so fast I wonder how she can even see. "Relax" I whisper. How backwards is this? I look into her eyes; they are no longer hazel all I see is cold, sad black shining back at me. There's no comfort there. "I'm not mad at you; I just want to be alone. I'll call you later I promise." I squeeze her hand softly.

Before completely breaking contact I give the group one final look over. Finn is standing there looking at the ground like grass is the most interesting thing he's ever seen, Brittany looks seconds away from tears, and Santana is refusing to make eye contact.

They all look miserable. Good I bitterly think, maybe now they feel half as bad as I do.

I pull away from Quinn which feels like the hardest thing so far today. I can't be with these guys right now I just can't. As I start to walk away I decide to leave Finn with the Un Holy Trinity I know they'll deal with him.

Behind me I can hear talking but at this point I could honestly care less what's being said it isn't going to change anything. Suddenly a loud crack fills the air followed by a high pitched scream. I spin around to see Finn on the ground, blood rushing from his face with Brittany standing above him fists clenched. "That was NOT very nice" she hisses out.

I let out an evil chuckle and keep walking, well that's a start.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXX**

Lima's a small town and I wasn't sure where I was heading but after twenty minutes of walking I wasn't surprised to see that I had arrived at Lima's Community Theatre. This was me and my dads special place, once a month we would have a Rachel and dad day where we would go see a show here then go get some ice cream. He would always tell me after a show that I was destined for bigger and brighter stages.

I chock back a sob remember the memory. I made my way to the door praying to whatever God that might be listening for it to be unlocked. When the door opens I swiftly enter and let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding.

Looking down the halls I feel sick to my stomach. I can't even count how many times I have been in this very hall ready to see a show with dad by my side with his suit jacket and tie. He would always have his large hand encompassed with my smaller one so he could guide me and keep me safe. I swear if I focus hard enough I can still feel it.

An opening door brings me out of my fantasy, I quickly look down at my empty left hand,_ shit_. I glance up and see an elderly custodian making his way towards me. "Rachel, hey" he greets softly. "Hi Ed" I offer weakly. Dad used to talk to Ed after every show. He's an amazingly kind man and I like to think of him as a grandpa.

"How are you Hun?" he asks. Oh good the sad eyes are back of course he knows. "I'm good" I lie and throw on a fake show smile. He gives me a look that says he isn't buying it but he lets it go anyway. Bonus points for Ed. "listen I was just about to lock up" he starts "oh! I'm so sorry I'll get out of your way." I hurriedly start making my way towards the door when Ed calls out "no kiddo you stay." He sadly smiles, "I know how helpful it is to be alone in an empty theatre with your thoughts." He ruffles my hair and with that he's gone.

I walk down the aisle and sit in my normal seat, third row second seat from the left. I glance over at dads empty seat…forever empty seat. Suddenly I'm over come with rage again. "Fuck you Finn Hudson!" I yell to the empty theatre. "And fuck you too Santana!" I throw in for good measure.

I quickly think back to the party I had in high school. He thought I couldn't hold my liquor? Ha! What about him? What group is he in? The jerks that get angry drunk for no reason and ruin everyone else's lives? Sounds about right.

We all know Finn isn't the sharpest tool in the shed but drunk driving? A hit and run? That isn't him either. Still I meant it when I said I could never forgive him. How is a person just supposed to forget something like this?

He thinks if he whines enough everything will be fine, but I'm done playing that game with him. He gets away with everything and I'm sick of it he has to have some consequences too. He wants everyone to still see him as the loveable quarterback from high school, well news flash he was _never _that guy he just acted the part really well.

Now about San, ahh why did she do that? I shouldn't be surprised she butted in but still. There was no reason to bring up my news she just wanted to upset him and she knew he'd react badly what's the point? Grow the hell up. It might have been a little harsh to throw high school back in her face, but I wasn't wrong she insists on still acting like the HBIC and I'm over it.

Suddenly the anger is back and before I can stop myself I'm pounding into the seat in front of me, I'm vaguely aware that my knuckles are bleeding but I can't find it in myself to care. After working the seat over like a speed bag for a minute I take a deep breath and reach for my phone. I need Quinn so badly I can't believe I ever walked away before.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX**

**QPOV**

I'm laying on the leather couch in Santana's living room watching her pace around for the last thirty minutes. Her parents are away for a business trip in Chicago so we knew we could be alone here and free to talk.

I tune back into San as she complains loudly in Spanish, the only word I've recognized is "bitch" which has been used about 7 or 8 times now...this can't be good. Don't get me wrong I'm absolutely infuriated with that man child Finn. What go out get plowed and drive drunk? That solves your problems? NO man up. If there weren't so many witnesses earlier I would have killed him cold blood right there no questions asked.

So alas here I am in the Lopez living room watching Santana try her hardest to put holes in the floor. "San calm down" I try for at least the 15th time.

"Can you believe the hobbit?" she bites out. The hobbit really? Were back to that?

"How can she blame me?" she continues "sure I do admit I shouldn't have called him that was probably a 'no no'" oh god is she air quoting? "But" she loudly starts up again "it's not like I called and said he Finny boy ya know what's fun? Drunk driving!" she bitterly laughs, oh it's an evil sound. "And it's not like I was pouring drinks down man boobs throat!"

She angrily collapses next to me on the couch and her head immediately finds refuge on my shoulder. "It's _not_ my fault" she says in a tone much gentler than the one she was using before. It sounds like she's asking me not telling me.

I reach for her hand and start rubbing my thumb over her palm trying to help her calm down. "I know San, I know" I tell her softly, "Rach is just mad and lashing out, she forgives everyone you know that.

She lets out a loud sigh "She should be thanking me anyway!" she states confidently. I give her a look that clearly says: explain.

"I was just trying to get him to back off so you two could finally get together." I look at her and her eyes are finally flashing with a little bit of mischief. This worries me more than I care to admit.

"San" I try before she cuts me off "No listen Blondie, the sexual tension with you two is sickening" oh crap is it that obvious? "She likes you, you like her so what are you waiting for?"

"San" I try to reason "we have never even talked about it, and this isn't the right time with everything else going on."

"Why talk when you can get your mack on?" she winks. Theirs that Santana logic we all know and hate.

"Quinn" she goes back to serious "I'm going to head to McKinley" "what why?" I visibly shudder, who would willingly go back there?

"Well according to the midget I haven't changed since high school, and high school Santana ran when she was pissed so this seems logical. Hmm I wonder where my cheerios skirt is?" she questions out loud.

"It's in our closest" Britt chimes in from the corner where she was happily posted in a recliner icing her swollen hand from where she had punched Finn. I'm a little jealous to be honest, I would give anything for a shot at my Ex but I knew innless I wanted the cops called I had to get Santana out of there.

"Remember" Brittany continues "you wanted to use it to role-""ok B TMI" I yell while plugging my ears, these two will be the death of me.

My phone beeps and my chest rises when I see it's a text from Rachel.

**Sorry I've been so distant today. Meet me at the docks pretty please?-R**

A smile takes over my face before I can help it as I type out my reply.

**Of course baby girl, be there in 10. Need anything?-Q**

Instantly she replies **just you C:**

Oh yeah we really need to have this talk soon.

"Go get your girl and while you're at it try and convince her I'm not the devils offspring." She tries to joke but one look in her eyes and I can see how upset she is and how much this is bothering her.

"San" I pause I'm not sure how to make this better. "Shut up preggers, get out, Berry needs you more than I do"

I'm not sure if that's true so I give her a hug trying to convey everything I can't find words for, I hope it works. I quickly make a dash upstairs I know some of my old clothes are in Santana's closet and I want to grab something for my girl before I go. I like the sound of that: _my girl_

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Santana's POV**

I've been running around McKinley's track for at least two hours, I've done countless miles and still I feel like the scum of the universe. I know Berry's right but what am I going to do?

I need a plan to fix this, and a way to bring down Finn, I know he thinks after he confessed and apologized that everything's okay but not a chance in hell I'm letting him off that easy.

"Think" I yell at myself "what would HBIC 18 year old S do?" my old sneer finds its way to my lips. Oh yes I have a plan. But no more doing shit behind Berry's back I'll find her first thing in the morning to beg for forgiveness and then to clue her in. brilliant! I fist pump for good measure.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Rachel's POV **

I smile as I read Quinn's text before leaning my head back to look at the stars. This was me and my dad's spot; he would take me here for privacy when he knew I needed to tell him something away from daddy because I knew he would freak out. He actually knew all the details about my Finn drama and he would bring me here to talk about it. My dad was the one who tried to convince me to give Finn another chance after high school. Well you can't be right all the time.

I'm starting to get angry again when I see Quinn,I instantly can't suppress the smile that takes up my face when I see her. This girl lights up my world.

She wordlessly hands me an old red and white McKinley hoodie, It's her cheerio hoodie from senior year. I look down at my funeral dress and blush embarrassedly I hadn't even realized how cold I was or that I was even still wearing it. I quickly throw on the sweat shirt and it smells like Quinn. Oh she is never getting this one back, I hope she doesn't mind.

She sits down and takes my hand, the one that was bleeding earlier. She gives me the saddest smile I've ever seen while she gently rubs over my knuckles and I swear I feel my heart break.

"Hey baby girl" she whispers while she pulls me into a hug "Hey" I respond my voice matching hers.

She wraps me securely in her arms; I let out a content sigh when I notice how well we fit together.

After ten minutes of looking at the sky, our legs dangling above the water, I break the silence. "I can't forgive them." I admit "I'm just so angry, Quinn I'm sorry fo-""Stop it right there Rachel Barbara" she sternly says. "You have nothing to be sorry for, you hear me?" I shakily try and nod my head as she continues "no one expects you to just move on from this, take as long as you need."She pauses to look into my eyes and lightly holds my face wiping a few tears that have escaped with her thumb "if you're mad be mad, if you're happy be happy. Thiers no wrong way to do it.

I awkwardly shuffle on the dock to get comfortable, when I settle I put my head in her lap and turn to look up at her. As soon as my head make contact with her legs her fingers immediately find my hair. I couldn't stop the tears right now if I tried.

"Don't give up on me" I shakily whisper. My voice is so hoarse I'm surprised she heard me. "Never" she answers her voice even and firm as she leans down to kiss the tears off my cheeks.

"Stay with me?" I choke out. "Forever" she supplies leaning down to give my other cheek the same attention. She gives me one last kiss on the forehead, and laying here in her arms I believe for the first time in a week that maybe, just maybe everything's going to be ok.

**A/N let me know what you think!**


	4. Chapter 4

disclaimer: i don't own Glee! or really anything in here!

**Q POV**

It's been almost an hour and Rachel's tears have long since stopped, after a few more minutes her breathing has evened out and I glance down noticing she has fallen asleep.

I gently shake her while peppering her face with kisses. "Rach, wake up" I sing song in her ear. When she opens her eyes she also lets out a huge yawn. "Let's get you home" I tell her while standing up and bringing her with me.

While we start walking down the deserted streets of Lima I put my arms on her shoulder and she rests her head on my arm. When we get to her house she looks at me with desperate eyes. "Please stay?" she whispers. "Of course" I'm quick to supply. She looks worried, yeah right like I would rather be anywhere else right now.

When we get to her room she runs to her bathroom to change and I quickly do the same. When she comes back out she's still wearing my Cheerio hoodie. Damn she looks good in my clothes.

She lies down in bed while I commandeer the bathroom and when I get out she's already fast asleep. So I quickly make my way to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. While I'm down there I check the cupboards and frown in concern. Since Rachel moved out her dads stopped buying vegan food so I know there's nothing in here she'll actually eat. This is a problem since I know she hasn't eaten in about three days. I make a mental note to get her something.

When I get back upstairs I lay down next to Rachel and taker her into my arms. After about ten minutes when I start drifting off to sleep Rachel starts shaking and thrashing around in her sleep. She has tears in her eyes and is shivering so I'm immediately worried.

I wrap her in my arms and start whispering directly in her ear "come on Rach wake up baby girl." When she finally wakes up she looks embarrassed and tries to pull away but I just hold her tighter and let her lay her head on my chest.

"Quinn?" she whispers into the darkness "yeah?" I start drawing patters on her lower back with my fingers. "I love you." She confidently states.

This stills all my movement. Did she really say that? Is she dreaming? I look down and meet her eyes nope wide awake "I love you too Rach" I kiss her forehead and go back to the triangle I was just drawing. She sighs contently and snuggles deeper into me and is back to sleep within minutes.

_Yeah _like I'm really sleeping after that.

A little before 7am as gracefully as I can I roll out of bed. I want to run to the store for ingredients for breakfast for the Berry family.

When I get outside I see Santana parked at the curb leaning on the hood of her dad's blue Explorer swinging around her lanyard. When we make eye contact she tries to act nonchalant like this is an everyday thing.

"I…I just uh, came to apologize to Rachel." She finally stutters out. I know how humiliated she is right now because Santana never apologizes so I try not to make a big deal out of this.

"Yeah go on up" I tell her like I own the place "she had a nightmare earlier so she probably shouldn't be alone." I curse myself quietly, why am I leaving then?

"Thanks Q" ah there's a real smile. With that we fist bump and go our separate ways.

**R POV**

When I wake up I'm happy for what feels like the first time in weeks, I can't even wipe the smile off my face. I told Quinn I love her and she said it back! What could be better? I think as I shuffle to my dresser for some socks.

My room hasn't been redecorated since I went to New York so all of my stuff is still lying around. That's why I shouldn't be surprised when on my desk top I see a picture of me and Finn from graduation with our caps and gowns.

Before I can stop myself I pick up the frame and catapult it at my wall. There is glass everywhere but I don't care. I hate Finn! I_ hate _him. I wish I could go off on him until he hurts as bad as I do. Why should he get to be ok when I'm so miserable?

Suddenly standing is much too much a chore and my body slowly starts to break down, so I start to drop to the floor as the tears start in a fresh wave. Before I can hit the ground I'm wrapped up in someone's arms Quinn? I think before they speak.

"I got you Berry, you're aright" she coos over and over in my ear. She slowly walks me to my bed and when we sit she tries to let go but I just pull her harder to me. "shh Rach you're ok, I'm not going anywhere." She starts mumbling into my ear.

Snots running down my nose and I look a mess but I honestly don't care anymore because my dad is dead how is anything ever going to be ok ever again? That's the last thought running through my head before I drift back to sleep.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX **

When I wake up again I can feel fingers in my hair and even breathing behind me. I look up to see intense hazel eyes boring into me. "Morning" she softly greets me. "Morning" I mumble back.

Wasn't Santana here? I'm confused, was that a dream? I roll over and see the broken picture sitting on my dresser and Santana sitting at my desk chair looking amazingly uncomfortable.

I sit up enough to take in my surroundings, there is breakfast on my dresser and Quinn is leaning against my head board and has my head in her lap. Perfect I think

"Hey Berry" Santana greets me but she refuses to meet my eyes she looks at everything but us. Like white carpeting is the best thing since sliced bread. "I came over to apol-"

"San" I cut in. but before I can finish she starts again. "Rachel please listen." I know this is a big deal because she just called me Rachel and she's using a tone that is normally reserved for Brittany.

"Look you were right I should have never called Finn to tell him about your life that wasn't my place." She takes a deep breath " and if this leaves this room I'll deny it but I consider you one of my favorite people and I wasn't going to be able to handle it if Finn wormed his way back into your life, I was trying to stop it in its tracks ." she lets a few tears loose and I purposely look away I know she would close herself of even more if I commented on her tears.

"Honestly" her voice cracks as she continues "I still haven't forgiven him for outing me in high school, I know that was forever ago but I'm just not over it and I just wanted him to know how better off everyone was without him" she tearfully finishes.

"I'm sorry too" I tell her but now it's my turn to avoid eye contact, I'm playing with my yellow comforter while Quinn rubs soft circles on my back. "I should have never said it was your fault, I was just so furious I started blaming everyone."

"Rach" she laughs "are you kidding? It's fine I would have done the same thing."

"So, forgiven?" I ask with a big show smile

"Forgiven" she laughs."But" Oh good her voice sounds normal again. "We need to talk about what were going to do about Finn." I throw my hands up "No Santana No more"

"Listen Berry" she interrupts again her voice turning cold. "This isn't some high school drama. This is a big deal pyramid nipples broke the law, a couple actually!" she snaps "That's not something I'm going to let him get away with grudge or not."

Since I've known Santana for so long it's hard to always remember that she's a law student and actually knows what she's talking about sometimes.

I chance a glance at Quinn and she shrugs "she's right Rach." I hear a soft "hell yeah!" behind me and Quinn rolls her eyes.

"Come on it's a DUI, hit and run and not to mention Finn is 20, they'd fry his ass!" Santana chimes in. "what do you think?" Quinn asks me much softer.

"Well what's your plan?" I ask the two masterminds, obviously they have a plan and I probably won't like it. "Remember when that Warbler boy band wanna be slushied Blaine and I went all unholy underboob?"

How could I forget? She was very proud of herself that week.

Just to be a smart ass Quinn asks "so you want to sing a MJ duet with him?" I can't help but laugh it's the perfect break we need from the serious moment.

"Ok but I want to talk to him first" I softly tell the room bringing us back to the moment. "Baby girl" I can till from Quinn's voice she's worried "are you sure?" "Definitely" I tell her with conviction. "I need to tell him to his face that I'm done with him. I'm ready for bigger and better things." I don't add the 'with Quinn' part but I can tell from her face she knew.

"And this will at least give him the chance to do the right thing." Adds Santana "he won't but still. When he doesn't were moving on to my plan ok?"

"Ok" I answer barley even paying attention. "I'll call him" Quinn says never breaking eye contact with me.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

We decide to meet at the park so it's neutral ground for everyone. When we get there Brittany heads straight for the dock pond carrying a bag of bread, this is just another day in Lima for her.

When we see Finn I can't help but smile at the tape over his nose. Way to go Britt! When he sees me he gives me a huge smile and a wave "Hey Rach!" is he really acting like everything is ok right now? "Listen" Quinn steps up total HBIC mode on. Damn it's hot, no stop Rachel focus! "Were just here to see what your plan is." "For what?" he asks confused, oh my god does he have brain damage? "Uh the accident?" Quinn supplies. "Oh!" he lights up. "But I said I was sorry?" and right back to confused, yep let's go with brain damage, damn football.

"That doesn't make it ok!" shouts Santana. Bonus points for her she lasted much longer than I thought she would. "We want to know if you're going to the cops or not." "What cops? Why? I said I was sorry!" he literally whines.

It's like Quinn knows I'm about to lose it and she silently connects our hands and gives a gentle squeeze in show of support.

"You're not 5 and 'sorry' isn't some magic word that makes everything go away!" bellows Santana

Finn is stuttering now and I officially let loose "YOU KILLED MY FATHER!" I dare him to say sorry on more time…I take 3 deep breaths "I'm only here to tell you I'm done with you, seriously. No more texting me when you hear a song on the radio that we covered in Glee Club, no writing on my facebook that you miss me, and no more weekly emails about frickin Lima." "But Rach." God he sounds pathetic.

"No more!" I hiss out, "I'm not forgiving you but I'm moving on."

With that I spin on my heel and walk to the duck pond to meet Brittany who is happily holding a duck. "You're so brave Rach." She greets me with a big hug.

In a flash Quinn and Santana join us a little out of breath, I turn to see Finn limping away but I decide not to ask any questions.

I give Santana a long look like I'm studying her, finally I nod." You can do it your way" I tell her

She lets out a yell and three fist pumps, suddenly I'm regretting this.

"Hey um, why don't you guys go do whatever for about an hour and then we can meet up for dinner?" I ask the group and all three look at me wearily.

"Please?" I try again "I just really want to spend some time with my daddy I've barley seen him." It's true we have barely spoken since my melt down in the kitchen.

Quinn lets out a sigh she knows I'm right she pulls me into a hug, "call us if you need anything" she softly kisses my cheek, San just rubs my shoulder and Brittany put her hand down for a low five. With that I'm off

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Xx**

**Q POV**

I'm lying on Santana's bed on my back with my feet rested up against the wall tossing a tennis ball repeatedly against the wall above Santana's Ohio state football poster. This used to be one of my favorite activities in high school, I would lay here for hours just thinking and throwing. San will be here any minute to ruin the fun.

Right on cue the door opens and San stomps in and catches the ball right before it gets to me then she stomps to the window and chucks it as far as she can before slamming it closed. She looks at me with her best glare but I just laugh; "Jokes on you that was your tennis ball." She raises an eyebrow at me…who taught her to do that?

"Why are you so happy today Fabray?" "That rhymed." I point out; she just gives me another look. Rude! I decide to spare her anymore of my jokes.

"Rachel told me she loves me…and I said it back!" I can't hide my smile

Santana is ecstatic "no way! So together or…?" she trails off "no not yet I want to wait till we get back to ask her." "Yeah good call." She agrees sitting on the bed pushing me closer to the edge.

"I do need something from you though please." I give her my best puppy dog eyes.

"Lemme guess, you wanna know how to get your sweet lady kisses on? It's simple all you do is" I throw my hands up "Holy Hell please stop talking." I'm not taking advice from this crazy.

All she does is smirk and hit me with a pillow. "Alright Q waddya need?" "Can I borrow your house? I want to make Rachel dinner and then maybe have the talk."

Oh good her smirk is back "Aaaw but you won't have the talk with me?" she whines "It's simple Q when two people love each other or yeah know are really drunk or bored they just boom boom boom I want you in my room!"

"THAT'S your version of 'the talk?'" why am I so shocked? Another rhyme! "Please dear God never reproduce." She just laughs. "so do I get my thank you now or after the first date?"

I pretend like I'm actually thinking about it "Hmm, I'll keep you posted."

"Fair enough, but seriously Q I'm happy for you" with that she gets up and pushes me off the bed. I land with a thump and spare a glance under the bed, hey another tennis ball! "Game on!" I holler.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX**

**R POV**

When I get home I go straight to my daddy's room and I notice the plate of food Quinn brought up for him is still sitting on his bed side table untouched. Daddy's just lying on top of the covers just starring at a blank wall completely unseeing. He doesn't even flinch when I climb on the bed next to him and quickly peck his cheek. He's still wearing his funeral clothes and I sadly realize he's probably been sitting here like this in the exact same spot since yesterday and it breaks my heart.

Suddenly I'm overcome with the need to fill the silence so I start telling him about the last few days, leaving out the parts about Finn I want to make sure he's really listening for that part. I've been talking for over ten minutes and he has barely even glanced at me. Who is this guy? Because it really isn't my daddy. Daddy has always been the strong one in the family and it's killing me to see him like this.

After a few more minutes I decide I'd rather just sit in his presence then pretend I was having a real conversation. I curl myself into a ball and lay my head in his lap like I would when I was little, still nothing.

I'm trying to stop my tears when suddenly my phone rings the sudden noise making me jump; I had almost forgot that the outside world existed. I go out in the hallway and begin pacing as I answer it.

"Hello?"I whisper "Berry!" booms Sylvester. "Listen we are having some problems with West Side Story." Oh is this a groveling phone call? I smile evilly.

"Like what?" I ask, "Well she says clearly upset, your understudy sucks." Way to be frank "and we have had a few sponsors back out last second and I said either go big or go home! And well…were going home. So I decided to scrap the whole thing new plan!" she excitedly yells at me.

"Now I've found some people ready to dish out a lot of cash for a decent production of RENT. We start auditions next Thursday, so one week from today then rehearsals start on Monday, what do you say?" she spits out.

"Umm" I mumble, I stop pacing up and down my hallway to look into my daddy's room he hasn't moved an inch. How the hell can I go back to New York and be happy when I know my daddy is at home falling apart?

I clear my throat hoping I sound more put together than I feel. "Yeah no thanks, I have to pass."

"Berry!" she howls before I cut her off "sorry I guess I still don't take my career seriously" and with that I disconnect the call.

One thing is clear in my mind, I really can't go back to New York.

_**A/N please let me know what you think!**_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N **** In this chapter their will be some slight make out scene for Rachel and Quinn i'm not sure if the rating needs to be changed so i didn't change it and if it does i'm sorry! Also this is fair warning that it will be two girls so please don't flame me. last but not least i've never written any kind of kissing or anything kind of story so if it really sucks or if you really like it or anything inbetween please let me know!**

**RPOV**

I sat on my bed with my legs drawn to my chest, chin resting lazily on my knees as I glanced around my room trying to take everything in. my desk was lined with awards from various singing awards I had been collecting my whole life, while my sunshine yellow walls were littered with Broadway posters. I could give all this up, right? I ask myself while letting out a huge sigh. I've had a taste of the life that has to be good enough right? I silently question.

_Rachel stop it! _I bitterly think. I'm being so damn selfish, of course I can give it all up and I gladly will for my daddy, what kind of horrible daughter would I be if I walked away in one of his darkest moments? No we are family I'm staying! I firmly decide while banging my fist down on my comforter in a sign of finality.

This will work it has to! I think giving myself a silent pep talk, I'll be fine get involved in Lima's community theater maybe go to OSU? That could work! I excitedly think, yes then I'll be closer to daddy and everything will be fine.

Before I can start questioning myself further over everything my phone chimes with a text from Quinn.

**Hey Rach, dinner at San's place tonight. Just us, interested? :)- Q**

I text her back with a quick simple 'yes' because, who could turn that down?

Thoughts of the stunning blonde consume my mind as I lay back fully on my pillows. Quinn has been more than amazing these last few days and it's just shown me that I can get through anything with her by my side. I know I already told her I love her but tonight is the night I need to lay everything out there. I'm going to tell her I want us to be together; in fact nothing would make me happier at this point.

Suddenly I remember what dating me would me she'll be ok with dating a Lima loser right? Great now instead of just feeling guilty I can add pathetic to my life now too, awesome.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXX**

**S POV**

I walk into my kitchen to see Q cooking at the stove while sliding around on my hardwood floors like she's in the freaking ice capades . I don't even know the last time I saw he this giddy, _damn it Berry_.

I silently lean against the door frame and watch her glide back and forth until Brit comes in breaking the silence. "Damn, S you look hot!" she casually says to me. Wow is she blunt.

"You look pretty amazing yourself B." I try to say with a straight face but _come on._ She's rocking some old faded blue jeans and a neon yellow over sized duck t-shirt.

Meanwhile I'm wearing something vaguely similar to my MJ number in high school fedora and all.

"Oh yeah?" she asks sliding over to me, when did my kitchen become an ice rink?

When she gets to me she lightly wraps her hands on my hips and leans in to nibble on my ear. When I let out a breathy moan I see Q over Britt's shoulder throw her hands in the air exasperatedly.

"Ok no!" she starts, what a whiner "ok miss" she points at Britt and her tone turns mock seriousness "I don't want to see any more sweet lady kiss."

"That rhymes!" Brittany excitedly tells her and they share a light fist bump before B pulls away.

Before she fully disconnects she manages to slide her hands to the front of my shirt and she cops a quick feel over my entirely too tight blazer, so she accidently bumps the tape recorder that's hidden in my bra.

"Hey watch the equipment!" I say throwing her a playful wink.

Suddenly Quinn turns serious; I hate how fast she can do that. "So that's really about to happen?" she questions while thoughtfully biting her lower lip.

"Come on Q" I sigh as I collapse into a kitchen stool. "You know if it was up to Finn it would already be over and forgotten, god he's so rotten!" I wrinkle my nose in disgust; if she points out the rhyme I swear I'm going to punch her in the face.

"I know, I know" she mutters, she looks distracted and dazed. I don't like this version of Q I miss the cool, confident, and sometimes Bitchy Quinn Fabray.

"I know Rachel said she was done with him but let's face it she has a soft spot for the oaf and I don't want her to be upset with us."

"Q, this isn't like the other times and you know it. " I gently tell her, "This is unforgivable and Berry's never told someone she's done with them, she'll give people one hundred and one chances, but even she knows enough is enough." I explain.

"Yeah" B chimes in, "Rach knows when it's time to cut ties." Q reaches her hand up for another fist bump without even moving her eyes up from the hole she's starring into the floor.

I've decided the moment has been way too serious, and I'm going to have enough of that today anyway so I change the subject. "Hey Randy Johnson" I toss at Quinn. Crap am I about to make a sports joke? The lesbians should be proud.

Quinn just looks at me with her raised eyebrow, god I hate that so I quickly continue "he's a baseball pitcher,_ BUT"_ I loudly continue, I hate having to explain my jokes. "I went through the house and got rid of all tennis and bouncy balls so you'll have to find a new way to vandalize my walls." I tell her as me and Britt get up to leave.

I know it's one of Q's stress relievers and it really does help her think, but does she need to put holes in my walls just to make a plan?

"Challenge accepted!" she yells at my retreating form, and I just can't hold back my laugh.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Q POV**

When the door bell rings I mentally count to ten before racing to the door, I'm trying not to seem to eager. When I open the door Rachel literally takes my breath away.

Her hair is curled and hanging loosely framing her face perfectly. She has on a plaid skirt and a cute white button down. I wasn't sure how fancy we were going here so I'm glad I kept it simple. I'm in a nice light blue sundress with a tan belt around my waist. I'm not even sure if she remembers but a few years ago she told me this was her favorite of all my dresses so now I try to wear it as much as possible around her.

"Hello" I softly greet her with a wide smile.

"Hi" she replies. I can tell something is wrong immediately because her grin doesn't quite reach her eyes. I decide to let it go for now, she would tell me if something was wrong right?

As we walk in she's avoiding eye contact and looking around like she's never been here before.

"So uh, would you like to eat first, or maybe watch a movie, or…" I awkwardly trail off

"A movie would be lovely." She replies still not bothering to look at me.

"Well I think the only musical S owns is RENT s-""NO!" she loudly yells, "anything but RENT" she continues in a much softer tone.

Well this is new I think walking over to the movie cabinet as Rachel takes a seat on the couch. I smile when I see all the Disney movies, these have to b Britt's. I raise an eyebrow and silently hold up The Little Mermaid, Rachel just smiles and nods politely. Ok seriously who is this girl?!

After I get the movie started I move to the couch and quietly put an arm around her shoulder, she jumps when we make contact like she didn't even know I was there. What is going on?

She cautiously leans her head on my shoulder like this is new territory for us. Instead of watching Ariel I study Rachel's face I can tell she is deep in thought and I just hope she lets me in sooner rather than later.

After about ten minutes I risk another glance at her and she's not even pretending to pay attention to the movie, her gaze is locked on a few magazines on San's glass coffee table. "Rach." I whisper, my worry increases when she doesn't even flinch. I put my finger under her chin and softly pull up forcing our gazes to meet, when I see her big brown orbs looking back at me I whisper, "what's wrong baby girl?" as if afraid a louder tone will break us out of whatever trance were in.

She takes a deep breath and I see so much uncertainty in her gaze now, what could have possibly happened in the three hours we have been separated?

"Quinn" she starts softly, moving her right hand up to cup my cheek, I subconsciously lean in to her touch as she continues. "Will you go out with me?" she asks in a much firmer tone.

I silently curse myself for the blush I know she can see and feel as it rapidly takes over my face. "Of course" I choke out, reaching up my own hand to softly squeeze the one that is currently resting on my face.

"I wanted to ask you when we got back to New York and all the crazy from this week was over and we were moving on and…" I abruptly stop when I realize I'm rambling almost as good as she can.

"Of course." I reiterate giving her hand a soft squeeze. Rachel lets out a hearty laugh, she's so much happier than when she got here. My stomach flips when I realize I'm the one that made her feel that way.

I silently look into her deep brown eyes seeing nothing but love as I slowly start leaning towards her silently asking for permission. I'm going slow giving her ample time to decide if she doesn't want this, but instead she just closes her eyes and leans in faster effectively closing off the space between us.

As soon as our lips meet I can't believe how perfect it feels, our lips move so well against one another's it like we have been doing this for years. I'm starting to get lost in the softness in her lips when suddenly her tongue swipes across my bottom lip. I let out a quiet moan and gladly allow her entrance, her tongue moves around my mouth with purpose and I slowly move my hand from her cheek down her stomach and start softly tracing the outlines of her abs through her shirt. Suddenly her hands move up to play at the back of my neck tickling the nape of my neck and running her hands through my shoulder length locks.

When air becomes a necessity we both pull back, panting for breath. I only give myself a second to recover before I lean forward and take her lower lip between my teeth and lightly nip at it. When she lets out a hiss I'm willing to bet its more arousal than pain. So I take her lip into my moth using my tongue to sooth the burn. Her hands are moving from my neck down to my chest but they seem hesitant now. I quickly pull back and rest our foreheads together, both our breathing is labored, that got hot fast.

"I'm so sorry, I've never, I don't even kno-" I give her one sweet passionate kiss, effectively cutting her off. "Hey stop" I tell her locking her eyes with mine; I need her to know I'm serious.

"Baby girl we'll take his as slow as you want, I promise no pressure from me ever" she lets out a sigh and I can see the relief in her eyes. she goes to rest her head on my shoulder, her lips start trailing a path from the base of my neck up to my ear where she lightly blows over the shell of my ear before placing a wet kiss on it.

Right then my ringtone goes off with 'My Humps' filling the air, what a mood killer. That's my ringtone for Brittany, I don't think she even knows what that means but she likes dancing to it. I tried to explain to her that if she was the one to call me she wouldn't be around to hear it but she insisted, what could I do?

"I'm so sorry" I tell Rachel giving her hand a reassuring squeeze while I flash her a goofy smile, earning me a beautiful laugh and a smile in return.

"Hey B what's up?" I answer, "hey Q!" she sings, is this chick ever not happy?

"San said I should call and update you on operation Douche bag Finn I mean I don't really like the name but San insisted and I told her to be nice but she said-" Britt!" I cut in "what's up?" I ask again cutting off her how mean S is being rant, like we didn't already know. "Right my bad." She starts again "Well Finn confessed everything and we are at the police station and OH a gumball machine!" she trails off excitedly.

Seriously, who is that excited at the police station?

"Britt focus" I try not to sound as agitated as I feel. I look up to see Rachel giving me a questioning look and I just wave her off, how do I explain this?

"Oh right, well San got everything on tape, then she gave the cops the tape and apparently it's more than enough evidence to bring him in so they are going to go get him now" she happily finishes and I can hear her chomping on her gum.

"Hmm" I think out loud. "Ok well call me when there's more news." We exchange goodbyes and I hang up chancing a glance at Rachel she looks extremely concerned.

**RPOV**

"That was B they have Finn's confession on tape and the police are getting him now." Quinn carefully tells me, she's sitting back watching me I know she's waiting for the fireworks.

I wordlessly stand and make my way to the kitchen I need water sad or thirsty? I'm not sure, I can feel my heart rapidly beating in my chest and it's no longer from the excitement of being with Quinn. It can't be good for my blood pressure that I can go from one extreme to the other so fast, extreme joy over being with Quinn to major confusion over Finn, is twenty to young for a heart attack?

I don't know why Finn's bad choices still surprise me at this point I really should be used to them. I can't believe I wasted so much time on this jerk, I never should have stopped Santana all those times she wanted to hurt him in high school.

Quinn follows me and leans on the island in the Lopez's kitchen, she looks at me worried well allow me to add on. "I'm dropping out of NYADA" I blurt out "I'm not going back to New York I'm staying here." Nice and fast just like a band aid

"Rach" her tone is complete shock and she moves closer to me but I throw up my hands stopping her, I can't handle her disapproving tone, I wasn't sure of this myself so I can't let her question it.

"NO" I practically yell "this wouldn't have happened if I wasn't in New York they were on their way to see _me_." I'm being irrational and I know I know it but I can't help it. Quinn gives me a painful look and I can tell just from looking into her eyes that she wants to argue all of this but I power though "I need to let go of that part of my life and spend as much time with my daddy while I still can." I'm trying to convince her as much as myself at this point.

"Bab_y _girl" Quinn steps up "your daddy loves you he would never let you give up on your dreams just to spend time with him, he wants you to be happy."

Quinn is starting to make sense and I don't like it, I can't have her doubting me so I reply without even thinking.

"Just because your father refuses to spend time with you doesn't mean every family is that way." My tone low and gravely, that was a low blow and I know it. Quinn loves her dad she was always a daddy's girl until he kicked her out in high school and never looked back.

My eyes widen in shock, I don't know what came over me. "Quinn I'm so sorry" I immediately try to retract my statement.

She shakes her head mutely "no you're right, I've always been jealous of your family's relationship they love you so much that's how I know he wouldn't be ok with this." She inches another few steps closer to me taking both my hands in hers. I'm trying so hard to keep my composure as I stare in to the hazel eyes I love so much.

"Quinn" I mumble "he's a shell of his former self he literally just stares at the wall he doesn't even acknowledge me." The tears are ready to fall but I use all my remaining will power to keep it together as Quinn starts rubbing her thumbs soothingly over our joint hands that are resting on the island between us.

"How can I go be happy in New York knowing how bad things are here? I'd feel like a monster." I finish in a broken whisper as Quinn steps around the island pulling me with her and into a hug drawing shapes on my lower back as she leans us against the counter.

"Rach sweetie" she whispers her voice waivers while she starts planting kisses in my hair. My tears fall freely and she allows me to find solace on her shoulder putting my nose to her neck breathing in her sweet comforting scent.

"Listen" Quinn starts again she almost sounds firm" there is no wrong ways to do it remember? And I promised I'm not leaving your side. It doesn't make you a monster for wanting to move on with your life" she squeezes my waist tightly "it doesn't" she says again like she knows I'm doubting it.

"Plus you have me, Santana and Britt, do you think we would let anything bad happen to your dad?" she returns to rubbing the small of my back helping me calm down "Not a chance" she softly chuckles into my hair, "were going to help him the same way we help you…well maybe not the exact same way." That gets a real laugh out of me, and I can feel Quinn's lips forming into a smile on my forehead before she leaves a lingering kiss there.

"Seriously baby girl, this is a tragedy you know that your dad is just taking a little longer to get through it but quitting something you love, quitting your dream." She softly shakes me "that wouldn't make him happy…either of them" She sternly adds giving me a pointed look.

"You're right you're so right." I admit defeat while trying to avoid her eyes. "Now you're getting it!" she playfully hip checks me before enveloping me into another hug and pausing a moment before getting serious again.

"Seriously Rach you still have a little more than a week before you need to be back at school, let's let the next few days play out before we make any rash decisions ok?"

"Thank you" I tell her as sincerely as I can then I lean up to rub her nose with mine before burying my head in her neck again.

"hey" she pulls the back of my shirt forcing me away from her so she can give me a stare down teamed up with a raised eyebrow. _Damn._

"This is what I'm here for." She tells me seriously "I always want you to come talk to me about whatever is bothering you, even if you think it will upset me too, I want to help." "I promise" I choke out getting up on my tip toes to give her a sweet kiss.

When Quinn pulls back instead of breaking contact she starts peppering my jaw with tiny kisses, never spending too much time in one spot but effectively covering both cheeks, when I hear an over exaggerated "mwha!" I can't help the laugh that barrels out of me and she leans away from me to look into my eyes studying to see if our little talk did the job.

"I love you." I tell her my voice breathy like I just ran a marathon.

"I love you too." She instantly replies her voice laced with emotion, she pulls me to her and I wrap my arms around her waist while my forehead finds her shoulders. Her arms wrap around my shoulders as she plays with my hair. I let out a content sigh Quinn always makes my life better.

After a few moments of silence 'My Humps' starts playing in the living room, Quinn gives me an apologetic look and as slowly as she can backs away from me. As soon as she leaves the kitchen I turn around to lean my forearms against the island.

I can hear some muttering in the living room but I can't hear anything for sure until Quinn lets out an incredulous "God damnit!" oh this will be good.

Quinn walks back in looking sheepish and studying her bare feet "uh, that was B" she barley manages to get out. "The police went to Finn's house and they think he fled town, their uh sending out a warrant for his arrest." She finishes badly hiding the anger in her voice.

Suddenly I throw my head into my arms and just keep repeating the gesture over and over again while repeating my mantra of : "why?!"

"Hey do you have any tennis balls at your house?" I barely hear Quinn over the headache I'm slowly giving myself. I can't tell if she's serious or not so I don't stop what I'm doing to find out.

"I can't believe I dated that ass hole" she quietly hisses out like it's a secret.

_Me either _I bitterly think.


	6. Chapter 6

**R POV**

I'm sitting on the futon in my living room trying desperately to zone out and loose myself in whatever movie we are watching. I stare trance like at the tv and pretend as if I had blinders on, nothing exists to the left or to the right I just try and focus on the story. Wait what movie is this? Mulan? Good choice Britt.

Every time I feel myself start to achieve my goal of peaceful bliss Quinn finds a way to bring me back. Right now it's in the form of her hand on my thigh; I refuse to acknowledge her when she gives my leg a small squeeze. I know she's worried about me but that really just makes me feel worse about needing her so badly.

I realize that she said she wants to be there for me but we haven't even been dating two full days yet, I can't show her all the crazy right away.

I know Quinn wants me to go back to NYADA and a small part of me knows I should be going back too but I just can't, I'm just going to suppress that feeling and bury it deep until it goes away…that's healthy right?

I've started making a pro and con list about New York and Lima, I even color coordinated it to help further develop my lists…don't judge me. Sadly NYADA is losing because I can't in good conscience going back to school knowing I'm leaving my zombie of a father behind.

He still hasn't left his room and even though I bring him food at every meal he doesn't even glance my way when I bring it in, and apparently eating anything is out of the question. I need my father so badly I violently shake at the thought, I need them _both_but right now I need my father to hold me and tell me what to do, is that too much to ask?

Apparently I'm no longer hypnotized and I take a glance at the bookshelf next to the TV and I really wish I hadn't, the top shelf is lined with pictures of me and my dads in various stages of my life. This place is a damn museum of the life I used to live; now it's just a depressing reminder of what I'll never have again.

I jump when a pale hand comes into my vision. Quinn! Her fingers are softly wiping my cheeks free of tears I didn't even know I was crying. The touch brings me back to present time where I'm sitting in Quinn's lap, when did that happen?

I lean back into Quinn's front and let out a content sigh when she encompasses her arms around me and then puts her hands into my lap softly drawing circles over my hands that I'm anxiously playing with.

I try to even out my breathing as I look around the room. Santana and Brittany are on the couch to the left of us , Britt is sleeping with her head on Santana's chest as she absent mindedly runs her fingers through her hair, eyes never leaving the TV screen.

Little miss Lima Heights adjacent would never admit it but she loves Disney movies.

I almost want to smile at the scene until I see dads favorite recliner in the corner…empty now.

Before I can stop it a sob rips from my throat and my tears are off to the races seeing how fast they can fall. Quinn is running her nose up my neck to my jaw and then back down again probably trying to figure out what set me off and calm me down all at the same time.

Quinn's hands start lightly rubbing up and down my forearms soon enough she's lulled me into a sense of security and I'm starting to feel safe.

"Please let me in baby girl." Quinn hoarsely whispers, her cold breath caressing my neck. A shiver runs down my spine as I shift on her lap so I'm sitting sideways with my shoulders against her chest and my head propped under her chin. Then I take one of her hands and start playing with her beautiful star ring

After I get my breathing under control I look up at Quinn for what feels like the first time in days and see nothing but love reflected back at me in her damp hazel eyes.

"Come on Rae." She gently prods me " I I I mi-miss my da-da-dad" I finally choke out. Since when is it hard for me to talk? Quinn pulls me impossibly closer to her and starts humming a familiar tune in my ear, I know I've heard it before but I can't place it.

Suddenly theirs commotion behind me but I refuse to pull away. Quinn is the only one I've found comfort with in weeks why would I willingly leave that?

"Uhh" Santana awkwardly mumbles. She must have just realized something was going on in the room besides really awesome musical numbers and war. "um me and B are going to go outside so I can uh show her that thing!" she rushes out and Britt follows up with an excited call of "Winning!"

When my tears stop and all I'm producing is painful hiccups Quinn puts her finger under my chin and forces me to look at her. Using the pads of her thumbs she wipes the moisture off my cheeks while she presses on lingering kiss to my nose.

"Rach" her gaze is strong I'm almost afraid to blink like it will ruin the moment.

"I'm sorry" her voice shakes "I know how much you're hurting right now." She pauses to press her soft lips to my forehead "I'm sorry" she repeats lifting up the hand I'm not playing with to cup my cheek.

"I wish I could take all this pain from you and just give it to myself so you didn't have to deal with this." She stops and finally breaks eye contact to look down at our joint hands taking mine to her lips and placing three quick kisses to it. " I love you so much." Her voice cracks bringing tears to my eyes.

"I love you too" I quickly cut in and Quinn closes her eyes and gives a brief nod like she needed the verification. "What can I do to help?" she quietly asks bringing us back to the matter at hand.

I lean into her and slowly bring my lips to hers, it's a brief kiss but it was passionate and held promises of so much more.

"Hold me please?" I whisper, "Baby girl you never have to ask." She retorts.

She quickly moves herself back on the couch so her head is propped up by the arm rest, then she gently guides my head until I find my spot on her chest, enjoying the faint rise of her chest with every breath.

"Thank you." I grumble into her T-shirt that my face is firmly pressed into. "Go to sleep Rach." She whispers as her fingers start to draw patterns on my lower back and her other arms wraps securely around my shoulders. _Perfect_

**Q POV**

I wake up to a stinging pain in the side of my head, what the hell? Before I get the chance to wonder if I'm still dreaming I feel it again twice in a row around the same spot. When I open my eyes I see Santana across the room on the other couch shooting rubber bands at my head, this bitch I bitterly think.

"Quinnie! Wakey wakey" her sickly sweet voice calls out and I let out another animalistic groan before looking down at Rachel, it's hard to stay mad when I see her slumbering away on my chest. I slowly try to maneuver my way out from under her without waking her up, after I successfully get out a move some hair out of her face before leaving a final kiss on the sleeping girls cheek, then I'm off to find my idiot friend.

When I get to Rachel's room I see B lightly bouncing up and down on the bed and S is leaning on the wall watching the door. "Hey thanks for finally joining us!" San yells at me. I can tell she is trying to act indifferent but her body language is off something is wrong she seems to uptight.

"What's going on?" I finally ask when the silence becomes too much. B stops bouncing long enough to gracefully fall off the bed, she's back on her feet in a flash, "I'm gonna go downstairs!" she happily sings and with a final wave she's gone.

"How are you holding up Q?" her question catches me off guard so I don't think of a more proper answer then "Uhh I'm ok…but Rach is" "Hey" she cuts in "I care about Berry, you know I do but right now I'm asking about you." She raises her eyebrow at me and I don't like that I don't like it all. That's my thing, wow I sound five.

"I'm fine." I try again and turn around to grab a sweatshirt off the floor. I need to avoid eye contact because I know she won't buy that and I really don't want to have this talk.

"Come on Q." San snaps, I know she's trying to help so I guess I can at least try to cooperate, deep breath Quinn "seriously I'm ok." I start again "I feel horrible for Rachel and I obviously loathe Finn but I can't say I'm surprised by his shitty choices anymore."

Santana studies me for a while trying to decide if she believes me, when I pass whatever test she was giving my she nods and I hop on Rachel's desk letting my feet dangle as San flops on the floor and casually leans against the wall staring right back at me. "so uh did you bring anymore ammo?" I try for a joke to lighten the mood. San just smiles and holds her hands up in surrender "Nah B told me to be nice." She jokes.

I give her a nod and start humming some country song that's been in my head all day; I guess that's what lima does to a person. I'm starting to get into it when San interrupts "seriously Q if you guys need anything let me know, me and B feel so helpless just sitting around not doing anything."

She's not looking at me and I try to sounds as reassuring as possible "San just being here really helping both of us."

She chooses to ignore me and just move on with her questions "So how is Berry really doing?" I groan and roughly run a hand through my bed head ruined hair "Wait" San cuts in "I need to tell you that I'm happy for you guys, even though she's not showing it Rachel's happier with you than I've ever seen her with anyone else."

I let out my first real smile at that, " I love her" I tell her sincerely. "don't you dare hurt her" Santana threatens . "Aaaw you big softy!" I know the moment is about to turn serious so I decide to play with this. "Hey if anyone here is 'big' it's you preggers." She grins up at me and I can't stop my laugh "Hey if you ever have any questions about sweet lady kisses-" I snatch a pen from the desk and throw it at her before she can finish that thought and hit her right in the chest. "whoa good thing the cap was on, the point might have popped your fake air bags!" she just laughs and tries to get out a serious "jealous?"

After a few seconds the silence and tension start to fill the room again so I decide to answer her previous question without making her ask again. "Rach is a mess" I tell the silent room, "she _hates _Finn and she misses her dad..both of them." After a pause I add "she doesn't want to go back to New York she wants to stay with him."

Santana gives me a small nod, "yeah I figured what's up with her dad anyway how's he coping?

I almost feel bad Santana has no idea the can of worms she just opened, I let out a humorless laugh "he's not even a little, he hasn't left his room since the funeral, he won't eat and he hasn't even a said a damn word to his daughter! It's pathetic he needs to be there for his kid!" I angrily finish, happy that I had the chance there's more I want to say but I've been keeping it in because I was trying to take care of Rach.

I'm pissed so I slam my heel into the desk behind me instantly regretting it when the pain starts. I know I should probably take it all back but right now I'm too angry. Instantly I realize what a low blow that was I feel like a bitch, this was a tragedy I know that, who the hell am I to judge how anyone else copes with the things in their life? I was a freaking 'skank' in high school for almost an entire semester. Hello pot meet kettle.

I look up at S and her eyes are wide open in shock starring at a point behind me she looks petrified, what the heck? She's heard me say worse before, hell she's said worse before!

A throat clears behind me and I spin so fast I almost fall off the desk. Standing in the hallway is Mr. Berry, his eyes telling me he heard everything. I know he is angry but I can't help but take in the huge bags under his eyes and how shrunk in his face looks, he looks horrible and that just makes me feel worse.

His lips slowly form into a sneer before he backs away across the hallway and slams his door shut. _Shit!_

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**SPOV**

I'm walking to the only vegan grocery store in lima as Britt excitedly yaps on and on about how she wants a pair of shoes with wheels on the bottom. I'm losing major girlfriend points right now because I'm not even pretending to listen I'm too focused on what just happened at the house. I feel horrible for Q even though I agreed with everything that she said there could not have been a worse way for it to get out.

When we get to the store I'm instantly angry again when I see a wanted poster for Finn freakin Hudson, that worthless spineless pig. I take a sick pleasure in the fact that it's him and not me on a wanted sign, I'm sure four years ago everyone would have thought I'd be the first one arrested.

After a quick hour me and B are leaving the store with ingredients for an awesome vegan meal I'm sure neither of the Berry's will touch. We see a huge crowd is gathered around the antique store right across the street in the windows seven TV's are on all on the news. We go over to see what's up, what is it another episode of Sue's corner? Didn't they cancel that shit?

My heart instantly stops when I see a picture of Finn on the screen, is squeezing my hand so tight I'm pretty sure at least two fingers are broken. I tune back into the anchorman with the obvious toupee and over the top smile to hear the end of the report "Hudson was seen exceeding limits of 95 miles per hour before he lost control of his red Toyota pickup and wrapped it around a tree, sadly he didn't make it."


	7. Chapter 7

**this is shorter than normal because i'm not really even sure if anyone is still reading this so if you enjoyed let me know!**

**Hiram POV**

I let out a long defeated sigh on my way back to my room. So the fiery Latina and angry blonde think I'm holding Rach back? I choke out a humorless laugh, is a guy not allowed to mourn? I angrily think as I punch, literally punch the start up key on my computer.

I feel the tears start to swell in my eyes as my screensaver pops up it's a picture of me, Leroy and Rachel at her regional competition last year. Even though they lost we all have huge smiles and Leroy's arm is wrapped around both of our shoulders. I will myself to look away and just focus on my internet icon and nothing else.

I know I've been a little out of touch lately, but come on a 20 year marriage is over and I just am expected to get over it at the drop of a hat? No, wait I'm selfish and I know it. Rachel deserves better than that even though her friends have been great this past week she needs me and I'm going to step up.

Her friends were wrong though I do love her, and this time I'm not giving her up. We never told her but as a surprise me and her dad were planning on getting an apartment in New York a couple blocks from her. This whole distance thing has been bothering me since she moved and I no longer see a reason to be tied down to Lima, so this seems like the perfect time to do something about it. To be honest I think we both need to get out of this damn town.

I quickly check around my favorite sites before picking up my phone and dialing up my realtor, we told her it would probably be a few months but now is as good as ever if you ask me.

I take a quick search of my room and shudder at everything I see, yeah the sooner the better I don't think I can stay here any longer without completely losing it.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Q POV**

I'm laying on Rachel's couch with Rach's head posted up in my lap and hand resting lightly on her stomach while she plays with the rings on my fingers. Is this what perfect feels like?

I can hear her humming a tune but it's too quiet to place the words, it's no matter to me though my heart swells at the fact that Rachel feels content enough to literally just lay her and be with me no words needed.

Of course I had to ruin the moment when I turn my attention back to the TV and scoff "Family feud, really Rach?"

"I like this show!" she dramatically whines. "Sweetie" I say in my sweetest slash most playful voice I can muster "honey" I sing song on "can we please watch Jeopardy?" if I'm going to watch daytime TV it will at least be good!

"I haate that show!" she huffs. She's the only person I know who can look cute while whining, how is that even possible? I swear if she sticks out that bottom lip I'll have to kiss it, not that she would mind..

"Why because there's no Broadway categories?" I tease her.

"If there was I'd sweep the board!" she proudly exclaims while wildly gesturing, almost punching me in the jaw. I gotta watch out for this one

"I always do that anyway" I inform her with a small grin before leaning down and placing a kiss on her forehead ya know? to sting the blow.

"Way to go " she teases before quietly adding "you nerd" hold up is she making fun of me because I go to Yale? Who makes fun of Yale really?

"You love it" I tell her while I start tickling her stomach and subconsciously feeling her abdominal muscles. Suddenly her face gets serious and she stills my fingers "I love you" she whispers up at me. As gently as I can I touch the tips of my fingers to her cheek, "I love you too." I reply just as quietly.

I leisurely start to lower my head towards hers and carefully connect our lips. We move together at a nice pace neither of us trying to rush things just enjoying the moment together as we mold into one set. I feel Rachel's hand come up to play with the wisp ends of my hair at the base of my neck and try to hide my moan of pleasure but I can tell from Rach's smirk that she heard it.

Suddenly Rachel pulls back and I was right! I see that smirk. "Be honest" she says while she slowly starts running her hand up my jaw. "making out with me: better or worse than jepordy?" I playfully raise my eyebrow before leaning down and connecting our lips when I pull back her eyes are closed and I know I have her right where I want her.

"Well that depends." I try my best to sensually whisper. Boom! The big brown eyes are back and boy does she look angry so I decide to press my luck. "is it a rerun? Because then of course it's you baby" I continue

"Quinn!" Rachel screams in fake anger before slapping my thigh and I can't hold back the laugh anymore. "I'm kidding baby girl." I lean down and continue to pepper her face with kisses anywhere I can reach is now considered fair game.

After I think I've successfully laid my claim I grab both of her hands and look deep into her eyes where I can see nothing but happiness and trust. " I love you more than _any_ TV show, even the cooking channel when they do their special on bacon."

Her eyes widen to a spectacular size, she knows that this is a big deal. "oh yeah?" she tries to playfully imitate me with the eyebrow raise I won't tell her but mine is better… "well I love you more than Broadway."

This literally takes my breath away and I lean down to steal another kiss which she happily accepts and even is the one to deepen it. I can feel her tonge pressed up against my top lip and I let her sweat it out for a minute before I allow her acess and feel her exploring my mouth.

We lean back when stupid oxygen becomes a problem and I playfully bite her bottom lip waiting for her to catch her breath and open her eyes. When she looks at me I tell her as seriously as I can " I love you Rachel Barbara Berry." Her smile lifts into one of the happiest smiles I've ever seen definitely better than her so called show smile.

Right when she opens her mouth to respond a loud irritating knock comes from the front door before I hear Santana's bitter voice, "This is a courtesy knock to makes sure me n Britt's don't be seeing ish we don't needs to be seeing!"

I close my eyes and groan hearing the noise copied below me before I rest my forehead to Rachel's forehead and whisper "We should stop unless you want to hear about this for the rest of forever."

Rachel giggles before leaving a quick kiss on my nose and telling the dorks they can enter.

When they bound in B is joyfully bouncing a neon green bouncy ball and San is trying to act casually but her movements are too jerky and I can tell she's on edge but why? One hand is jammed in her jeans pocket while the other looks like it's wringing out the back of her neck. Would it be rude to say she looks like Finn?

"Look I gots to tell you chica's something" San mumbles trying to keep up her fake bravado. Ok seriously how did this kid get into NYU? Maybe she should watch _Jeopardy_ with us! I silently laugh at my own joke but quickly stop when Rach looks at me weird. Sorry I'm the only one who thinks I'm funny…

**R POV**

Once I realize how serious the atmosphere in the room has changed I look up at Quinn and we share a look that clearly says "what could possibly be wrong now?"

Before San can continue the TV chirps signaling breaking news and she lights up "hey yeah know what? Let's watch this that'll explain it all!" she giddily points at the TV , I'm about to question her when Quinn takes my hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze.

We sit in total silence as some middle aged reporter informs us of a missing five year old girl Alex who was taken from the playground about a block from my house.

While I'm trying to comprehend what's going on Quinn explodes from the seat next to me, "Oh my God did you take that kid?!" "What?!" Santana yells back in disbelief as the room falls silent again as I'm not sure if I should laugh or not. The only sounds you can her is B's bouncing ball behind us and Quinn's angry harsh breathing.

"Wait can you do that?" B suddenly asks "Sanny I want a kid!" she announces to the room it's too hard to hold my laughter when I see the look on San's face. "we'll talk about it later ok B?" that seems to appease Britt and she goes back to her ball.

Quinn however isn't done and she's giving her the stare down

"Why would I take a kid? I could never put up with one, kids are so annoying and the little ankle bitter would probably drive me crazy." Santana pleads her case completely serious.

"What?" me and Quinn asked in unison, oh that's cute we both are shocked, why are we shocked? Quinn's known her longer than I have you think we would be used to this kind of thing.

I try my best to approach this logically "_That's_ why you couldn't kidnap a –you know what never mind I don't even want to know." I throw my hands up in a silent surrender.

I take a deep breath and look at Quinn, she's studying Santana like she's trying to figure out if this is a joke or not, I wonder if I should go check her car?

"What's your news?" Quinn Finally asks bringing back the groups attention. San takes a deep breath then makes her way to the coffee table in front of us she sits cross legged facing us. She's refusing to make eye contact and I can tell this is a big deal because B stopped bouncing her ball to come over and sit next to her on the table.

After we sit in silence for several minutes I'm about to crack and let my nerves get the best of me and just start talking hoping that will get the ball rolling. Instead Quinn silently reaches over with her left hand and softly puts it on Santana's knee then with her right hand she takes a hold of my hand and starts rubbing gentle circles into the palm of my hand.

That seems to be the push San needed because she opens her mouth and, and then closes it repeating the process three or four times, she looks very fish out of water right now.

This goes on a few more times before Brittany leans over and gives her a kiss on the cheek, that really did the trick and after a few seconds she looks me straight in the eye and mumbles " Finn is dead. It was a car accident I'm so sorry, he was trying to leave town and just lost control."

It takes a few minutes for the news to sink in and then I go from pissed to upset straight to shock which can't be good for my heart. After these two weeks I'm probably going to need heart pills or something.

As I think more and more about what I just heard I wonder am I the world's worst person if I say karma right now?

To my left I hear a watery chuckle and Q's soft but firm voice "Karma" she spits out before sharing a fist bump with Santana.

Well guess not then...

**A/N**: this probably only has one or two chapters left so if you like it let me know!

otherwise when this is done i have a few more story ideas i just didn't want to start anything with this still going.

thanks!


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N** **i just realized i haven't been putting a disclaimer on the last few chapters so sorry about that! but come on clearly i don't own Glee because you know Ryan would never kill off his boyfriend Cory...**

**also thank you so, so much to everyone who has been reading this/comenting/or just enjoying it it means so much to me so thank you! and if you like this or want something added feel free to let me know!**

**Q POV**

I wake up with a crick in my neck and my foot is asleep, I'm angry until I look down and see Rachel pressed against my chest passed out. After Santana's little announcement last night we never really made it off the couch.

Honestly I'm more than a little worried about her, I can feel slight movement below me and I look down to see beautiful brown orbs staring up at me. I place a kiss to her forehead and try to be as upbeat as possible "morning baby girl!"

She gives me one of her more pathetic smiles. Right so no beating around the bush "So" I try to smile "wanna talk about it?" I try to keep my voice light and casual, I mean how do you nicely bring up the death of an ex boyfriend you both despise?

"What, your morning breath? Seriously Quinn that's vile." She laughs burying her face into my t shirt. Oh who knew I was dating a comedian? Is it a bad sign that she laughs more at her own jokes than at mine?

I give her a few jumper cables while she calms down, then when we make eye contact I just give her a look so I don't have to repeat myself. She sadly lets out a sigh realizing the jig is up. "not now please? I just want to enjoy my morning with you."

She slowly crawls up my body and peppers my neck with kisses before resting her head on my chest and rising with every exhale. I gently run my fingers tips up her arms and down her back sensing my girl is close to sleep so I whisper "When you're ready I'll be here." She looks up to me and I can see unshed tears glistening in her eyes "Promise? I don't want to be so annoying" god she sounds so broken.

"I'm serious I don't want you to think I'm too needy or problematic." She quietly mumbles refusing to look at me. "You have problems too I mean you dated Finn and-"

I take my hand and use my thumb to brush away a tear that finally managed to escape "Rachel" I try to be stern. "I'm not going anywhere, _ever_ . if you need me at 3 am that's when you'll get me."

Rachel closes her eyes and nods a few times like she letting that sink in. " I love you so much." She croaks out. I put my finger under her chin and lift up so were face to face "Baby girl I've honestly never been happier than when I'm with you and I wouldn't give that up for anything." Instantly Rachel's hand finds my cheek and she leans in for a kiss and I happily meet her halfway. After a few seconds we she leans back and rests her head on mine so I take her hand and leave an open mouth kiss on her palm.

"So apparently my morning breath isn't a problem?" Rachel just giggles and slides down until her head is back where it belongs on my chest and moments later her breathing evens out and she's asleep. God I love my love.

XXXXXXXX

When I wake up I hear banging in the kitchen, is my girl making breakfast? Score! I quickly forget that thought when I see Rach sitting by my feet muttering about Santana breaking and entering as she gets up and takes my hand so we can shuffle to the kitchen.

I almost fall straight on my face when I see Rachel's dad busting around the kitchen in his robe. I haven't seen him since the day me and Santana were talking shit like immature teens.

"DAD?!" Rachel shrieks and tackles him in a hug. This is the first time she's seen him up and about the house since the funeral and I think it's more than either of them can take because Instantly their both in tears and I feel like I'm invading on a extremely personal moment , I start backing out praying I won't be noticed when her dad starts saying how sorry he is and that he'll make this better somehow.

Before I can make my exit I'm stopped by a booming voice "Quinn sweetie stay!" "uhh"I can say that I've never looked forward to any situation less than I am right now. I start to stutter "no that's-" "nonsense!" he interrupts "I wanted to thank you."He can't be serious? This is a first no one has ever thanked me for insulting them before… He laughs at the look on my face. "seriously Quinn." He holds out his hand that I happily accept. Rach is in the corner wiping her eyes and she looks confused, I send up a quick thank you that no one mentioned my little outburst to her yet.

"What did Quinn do?" she finally asks when the tension becomes too much . I try to hide my grimace I knew she was going to ask obviously she's nosy like that but _Shit_.

"Hun your friend here and Santana helped get me out of my funk." Well that's one way to put it. He turns to me "I can't thank you enough, you helped me get my family back." I try to give him my best smile "Anytime sir." I try to hold his eye but I can see Rachel in the corner and she does not look pleased at all. Crap.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx**

**S POV**

I'm sneaking as quietly as I can through the Berry's house because I see Q leaning on the back porch railing and I want to scare…wait is that smoke? What? This bitch is smoking!

I take a running start and lunge onto Q's shoulders for a surprise piggy back. Quinn lets out a squeal of shock as she spins trying to throw me off , ha good try. As she quickly spins us I stealthy put my leg behind her and softly push relishing in victory as she topples over backwards so I scurry to go sit on her chest using my knees to pin her hands.

'ha pinned ya again!' no stop this is not Disney movie reference time!

"Santana Lopez back on top! And the crowd goes wild! aaaah!" I impersonate a fake crowd loosing their minds. I look down at Q oops she loops angry.

"Hey you didn't even have to get plastic surgery this time!" I try to raise my eyebrow at her but I'm laughing to hard to focus. I take a deep breath and try to refocus "Seriously Q" I point at the cigarette that's discarded a few feet away. "ay you wanted to sound like me when you sang eh? Well Q I said cigars, say it with me!" I bring one of my hands up to her jaw. I'm definitely crossing some boundaries right now but YOLO! Did I just say YOLO? Someone kill me…. Focus San!

I use my hand that's on her jaw and force her mouth open and use my fingers to push her lips together. "Say it with me Q ciiigars" I drag the words out and continue my game till she licks me. Game over!

Before I realize what's going on Quinn flips us so our positions are reversed. Oh hey theirs that smirk. "Are you out of your damn mind?!" she asks trying to hold onto her anger but it's clearly hard, sorry I'm too loveable.

"I don't know, are you?" I retort pointing back at the lit cig, yeah fire safety. Q runs her and through her hair before getting up and giving me a hand up, then she bends over and snatches the slowly burning cancer stick, slowly putting it out on the berry's deck.

"I wasn't smoking it" she mutters as we take a seat on the porch stairs. I know our moment is about to get serious so I try to embrace the moment. "Bull shit Q. just so you know if Berry catches you with that thing I'm not sitting through that lecture, power point and obvious verbal ass lashing you're sure to get. I know you love her but damn the hobbit would have a field day with this!" I dramatically finish.

Quinn just gives me a pointed look "honestly I wasn't smoking it just holding it and smelling the smoke helps me relax and think it's something I picked up when I was friends with the..uh the skanks." She awkwardly finishes.

"Bull shit." I repeat lightly bumping her shoulder, hoping for a laugh but coming up short. "For the record I'd rather you put holes in my wall when you needed a minute to think instead of ruining your lungs. I hear people who like to breathe need those."

Quinn refuses to meet my gaze and stares holes into the ground before mutely nodding. "seriously Q, what's on your mind?" dumb question. Without hesitation "I feel like a bitch for not caring that Finn's gone, I'm an emotionless fucking robot just like he said!" elow usshe tells me while stabbing her heel into the dirt b

"Quinn." I sigh "It's not that-" "I feel guilty" she cuts me off "Because a small part of me does care." She whispers looking down. "and that's not alright after all the shit he's tried to pull we should be ecstatic" she grumbles.

"Quinn" I start as gently as I can while putting my arm around her shoulder. "he was your first love it's only natural that you care a little bit." "His bad qualities outweigh the good no one should care!" she barks out. She doesn't need to tell me the spread sheet on all the reasons Finn sucks, kid I could write that book. But Quinn is a better person then me always has been always will be so I can't let her keep up this negativity it's so not her.

I let the anger dissolve around us before I ask "Were not going to the funeral right? Because I'm pretty sure a standing O wouldn't be appreciated" that earns me my first real laugh of our conversation so I press on. "I'm serious Q I can't promise I won't start a slow clap when we show up."

Quinn lets out a small laugh before leaning her head on my shoulder. "Were NOT going" her tone sounds dark who the hell would argue with that? "I could never do that to Rach, she's been through to much already."

"yeah." I agree before I get a serious thought "even though she would probably be willing to do a little musical number to go along with our clapping." Quinn solemnly nods she knows I'm right and if we told Rach she would start choreography right now.

"Quinn" I try to be serious again. "it's ok to feel bad, it doesn't make you a bad person ok? it just means that you're the bigger person."

After a few beats of silence I hear a soft "Thanks San" and I squeeze her shoulder in recognition. After a little more silence I hear "I fucking hate him" hissed out on my right side in a voice that sounds like it doesn't even belong to Quinn. Girl preach.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**RPOV**

I'm not sure how but I managed to convince Quinn to spend the night with Britt and Santana so I could spend some time with my father…of course I didn't really specify _which dad _I think as I pull up the hood on Quinn's cheerio sweatshirt and silently slip out my front door.

I'm more than a little upset even though I have no reason to be, no screw that I'm still mad. I've been spending almost all of my free time with my dad telling him about my day, Quinn, school, everything! But what do I get? Not a damn thing! Just a mute dad who doesn't do a damn thing but stare at egg shell walls that are apparently more important than me.

But after just one talk with Quinn and Santana he's fine? That's crap! I bet they drugged him. Before the funeral he had never even mat Santana and now he's her confidant? No Buenos!

I'm so consumed with my rage that I don't notice the tall blonde dancer trailing a few steps behind me.

I try to push all the negative thoughts rushing through my head as I make my way through the cemetery to my father's tombstone. The closer I get the heavier my feet are getting and I think I can hear my heart beat in my ears that's normal right?

As thoughts of my childhood rush to the forefront of my brain I'm struggling to keep the promise I made myself that I wouldn't cry. I reach out and touch the cold marble of his stone and just like that I'm done for. I can feel my knees shaking before they buckle under my weight.

I think my body is secretly relived I've needed this for days now but I keep ignoring my feelings. Right as I'm going down and I'm bracing myself to connect with the cold muddy ground I'm entrapped in two warm arms. I'm not even sure who it is but I don't care right now all I know is that some ones holding me and I don't have to do this part alone.

I can hear some soft hushes but I can't make out the voices until my sobs even out, britt?

"I I I miss him so much." I struggle to get out. "Aaand Finn's an ass" I add for good measure

"I know, I know" she hushes me running her fingers through my hair.

"I I I love him an and I never got to to tttell him." I'm hiccupping so hard it's a wonder I can even get words out. "Shh hunny he knew, you showed it everyday. I promise he knew." She coos over and over again directly in my ear.

Even though I really really wish I would have called Quinn before this little field trip I've never been more thankful for Britt.

" I miss him" I whisper like it's a secret when the tears stop "I know but he's always with you he would never completely leave you." Brittany says in her most serious voice.

She hugs me harder and starts to slowly rock us effectively calming me down. Even though I really miss Quinn B is a really good back up.

"Hey rach when I'm sad I like to feed the ducks with Sanny it really helps. Wanna go tomorrow? We don't have to talk about any sad stuff either."

Yep B is definitely the best back up.


End file.
